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The Unknown Ghosts

New English


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EuroEnglish (The language of the new millenium)




The European Commissioners have announced that an agreement has been

reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European

communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility.


As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government conceded that

English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five-year

phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short).


In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c".

Sertainley, sivil servants will resieve this news with joy.

Also, the hard "c" will be replaced with "k". Not only will this

klear up konfusion, but typewriters and komputers kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year,

when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced by "f". This will make

words like "fotograf" 20 percent shorter. In the third year,

publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage

where more komplikated changes are possible. Governments will enkorage

the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent

to akurate speling. Also, al wil agre that the horible mes of silent

"e"s in the languag is disgrasful, and they would go. By the fourth year,

peopl wil be replasing "th" by "z" and "w" by "v". During ze fifz year,

ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou", and similar

changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters.

After zis fifz yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl. Zer vil be

no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it

ezi tu understand ech ozer.


Ze drem vil finali kum tru.



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